Some people ask me how I can be part of an organised religion when religion itself "causes so much trouble in the world." To an extent I guess they have a point. We only have to look back to 9/11 to see how devastating extremism can be.
That doesn't mean that religion isn't fundamentally a good thing. Many other elements of our day to day lives carry with them a whole bundle of negatives.
For example, I'll bet my bottom dollar that a great number of people who say that religion "causes so much trouble in the world" drive cars. Cars kill up to 10 people a day in Britain alone. They have been used to carry bombs to kill people in all sorts of cases. They are used by criminals to escape from acts of murder, or to carry loot from robberies. Additionally, they cause endless misery in motorway traffic jams, breakdowns, or even when they demand a full shampoo and wax.
Does this mean that cars are not fundamentally a good thing? I don't think so. Cars are a great invention and make life so much easier for a great number of people; they help us get from A to B.
My faith in God is exactly the same. He makes life so much easier for me, and he gets me from A to B. In my opinion, like the car, religion is not a bad thing, so long as it is used in the way it was intended.
Friday, 26 June 2009
How I found my faith - Part 3
By this point, my faith was secure. I'm still learning though. Every day. I don't think any living Christian ever stops learning. Each new day brings its epiphanies as well as its fierce struggles.
Being a Christian is hard. I find it incredibly hard. People come to me with such intense anger sometimes, (not anger towards me... well, not often! But anger towards other people, those they've fallen out with etc.) If any of you has ever tried advising one of these people from a Christian perspective, then you might know how tough it can be! People don't want to hear, "draw a line in the sand, move forward, and forgive." Like they want to hear that sort of nonsense when they're burning with such fury and rage! The last person I said that to felt like I wasn't being sympathetic and that I was on the enemy's side, and threw me out of their car! I was devastated. It hurt a lot.
Living by the words of the Lord Jesus Christ costs. A lot, sometimes. I won't pretend that I always walk around with an insatiable appetite for life, all beams and smiles. I don't think it's meant to work like that. Personally, I think God needs to bring us down occasionally to remind us just how much we need him.
A few weeks ago, I had a horrible experience. I'd tried going to bed at about 1am, and had been unable to sleep. I'd started to feel quite sick. Then I began to break out in a cold sweat. Soon I was shaking uncontrollably. My teeth sounded like a pneumatic drill, and I could barely talk. I nearly went and woke my dad! (And I haven't done that since I was about 10 years old!) Initially, I tried to convince myself that it wasn't happening, or that it would pass, or it wasn't as bad as I thought, and just told myself to relax, breathe slowly, and wrap myself up in my duvet! But it only got worse. All humanist masterplans thwarted, I pleaded with God. "I beg you God," I chattered. "Please make this stop."
That instant, the shaking ceased. My body stopped. No chatter, no sickness. It was confusing. I even tried to make myself chatter again, but couldn't. Aghast, but hugely relieved, I thanked God over and over and over, and as I did, I felt the surge of energy flow through my body once more, the familiar touch of the Holy Spirit.
It may sound miraculous. For me, it really was. I may also sound... not quite so miraculous! You were shaking, and then you stopped! So what? This story on its own can't prove anything to any non-Christian. The most it can be is food for thought. I think proof has to be personal, and people have to be prepared to find their own proof, and subsequent faith, for themselves. I don't believe that it will be given on a plate.
If you have questions, ask them. God can't answer questions for people if they don't ask, in the same way that no one can possibly expect to win the lottery if they never buy a ticket!
Being a Christian is hard. I find it incredibly hard. People come to me with such intense anger sometimes, (not anger towards me... well, not often! But anger towards other people, those they've fallen out with etc.) If any of you has ever tried advising one of these people from a Christian perspective, then you might know how tough it can be! People don't want to hear, "draw a line in the sand, move forward, and forgive." Like they want to hear that sort of nonsense when they're burning with such fury and rage! The last person I said that to felt like I wasn't being sympathetic and that I was on the enemy's side, and threw me out of their car! I was devastated. It hurt a lot.
Living by the words of the Lord Jesus Christ costs. A lot, sometimes. I won't pretend that I always walk around with an insatiable appetite for life, all beams and smiles. I don't think it's meant to work like that. Personally, I think God needs to bring us down occasionally to remind us just how much we need him.
A few weeks ago, I had a horrible experience. I'd tried going to bed at about 1am, and had been unable to sleep. I'd started to feel quite sick. Then I began to break out in a cold sweat. Soon I was shaking uncontrollably. My teeth sounded like a pneumatic drill, and I could barely talk. I nearly went and woke my dad! (And I haven't done that since I was about 10 years old!) Initially, I tried to convince myself that it wasn't happening, or that it would pass, or it wasn't as bad as I thought, and just told myself to relax, breathe slowly, and wrap myself up in my duvet! But it only got worse. All humanist masterplans thwarted, I pleaded with God. "I beg you God," I chattered. "Please make this stop."
That instant, the shaking ceased. My body stopped. No chatter, no sickness. It was confusing. I even tried to make myself chatter again, but couldn't. Aghast, but hugely relieved, I thanked God over and over and over, and as I did, I felt the surge of energy flow through my body once more, the familiar touch of the Holy Spirit.
It may sound miraculous. For me, it really was. I may also sound... not quite so miraculous! You were shaking, and then you stopped! So what? This story on its own can't prove anything to any non-Christian. The most it can be is food for thought. I think proof has to be personal, and people have to be prepared to find their own proof, and subsequent faith, for themselves. I don't believe that it will be given on a plate.
If you have questions, ask them. God can't answer questions for people if they don't ask, in the same way that no one can possibly expect to win the lottery if they never buy a ticket!
How I found my faith - Part 2
After the revelation of the ouija, it would be very easy for me to say 'and then I found God.' But that would be a lie. Building any relationship is hard and takes a lot of work, (rightly), and it took me two years to establish my relationship with the Lord.
It sounds vague, I know. I will try to avoid vagueness. "Relationship with the Lord" can mean anything, but stick with me, I will try to make sense of it!
Susan remained a good friend of mine and only ever gave me Christian guidance when I asked for it. She suggested that I try out an Alpha course in Lincoln, (as Lincoln was where I was attending university at the time), and I really wasn't sold by the idea. I quite boldly thought that I knew everything I needed to know about God and Jesus anyway, but, well, no harm in going, etc. So I did. Off I went!
Hated it the first time. All on my own, didn't know anybody. The church and the people were so welcoming, but I wasn't feeling it. Power on, I thought, power on.
The more I continued attending and the more I countinued to pray, I could see God working in my life. Another vagueness, I know - I'll give you an example. It was a Monday night, right before Alpha, and I was going through a bad patch, just general depression and anxiety about life and my degree. I asked God if he could please help me. Moments later, my phone rang. My sis! "Hey bro! I was just wondering if I could bob down and see you tomorrow, have a natter and a catch up!" Oh yes, yes, yes! Please! I needed someone so badly. That perked me. Left the flat, walked to Alpha. The minute I walked in, Allan, the Alpha leader, walked up to me: "I was thinking you might want to meet up for a chat some time." Again, exactly what I needed. Then I sat down for the meal and chatted to the guy opposite me, Adam, who I'd never really spoken to before. He turned out to be a huge Doctor Who fan! Not just new Doctor Who. Old Doctor Who! These people are such a rare and specific breed! We hit it off instantly! I had a friend!
Some might say God helped to make these things happen, in order to help me. Others could say they were a series of happy coincidences. The factor that makes me think the former interpretation more likely is that I started the evening contemplating suicide, and I ended the evening feeling completely at peace. Some people spend years in therapy to achieve that. I said one prayer.
The bad times did continue - of course they did. I've become increasinly prone to anxiety attacks and dark periods of depression in my young adult life. One particularly bad night, my head was swimming with black thoughts, so I prayed. I addressed the devil, and said, "in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, leave me alone." A burning sensation powered through my whole body, lasted for a few seconds, then faded, and a peace descended. I had never felt anything quite like it before and was quite unnerved, but overall much calmer.
Two days after this, it was the Alpha away-day, where you all go off to another church and do some work on the Holy Spirit. Nicky Gumbel, the speaker on the DVD, described what happens when the Holy Spirit enters your body. He said, "some of you may feel a tingling or a burning sensation, and this is absolutely normal." Damn right it was! I'd experienced it two days before! And I genuinely had no idea that the Holy Spirit could work in that way prior to hearing Nicky G. speak. Incredible.
Even more incredible, after the DVD had finished, my Alpha friend Mike, who had been sitting next to me, turned and said, "all the way through that DVD, I felt this warmth running all the way down the right side of my body." The right side - the side that had been pointing towards me!
It sounds vague, I know. I will try to avoid vagueness. "Relationship with the Lord" can mean anything, but stick with me, I will try to make sense of it!
Susan remained a good friend of mine and only ever gave me Christian guidance when I asked for it. She suggested that I try out an Alpha course in Lincoln, (as Lincoln was where I was attending university at the time), and I really wasn't sold by the idea. I quite boldly thought that I knew everything I needed to know about God and Jesus anyway, but, well, no harm in going, etc. So I did. Off I went!
Hated it the first time. All on my own, didn't know anybody. The church and the people were so welcoming, but I wasn't feeling it. Power on, I thought, power on.
The more I continued attending and the more I countinued to pray, I could see God working in my life. Another vagueness, I know - I'll give you an example. It was a Monday night, right before Alpha, and I was going through a bad patch, just general depression and anxiety about life and my degree. I asked God if he could please help me. Moments later, my phone rang. My sis! "Hey bro! I was just wondering if I could bob down and see you tomorrow, have a natter and a catch up!" Oh yes, yes, yes! Please! I needed someone so badly. That perked me. Left the flat, walked to Alpha. The minute I walked in, Allan, the Alpha leader, walked up to me: "I was thinking you might want to meet up for a chat some time." Again, exactly what I needed. Then I sat down for the meal and chatted to the guy opposite me, Adam, who I'd never really spoken to before. He turned out to be a huge Doctor Who fan! Not just new Doctor Who. Old Doctor Who! These people are such a rare and specific breed! We hit it off instantly! I had a friend!
Some might say God helped to make these things happen, in order to help me. Others could say they were a series of happy coincidences. The factor that makes me think the former interpretation more likely is that I started the evening contemplating suicide, and I ended the evening feeling completely at peace. Some people spend years in therapy to achieve that. I said one prayer.
The bad times did continue - of course they did. I've become increasinly prone to anxiety attacks and dark periods of depression in my young adult life. One particularly bad night, my head was swimming with black thoughts, so I prayed. I addressed the devil, and said, "in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, leave me alone." A burning sensation powered through my whole body, lasted for a few seconds, then faded, and a peace descended. I had never felt anything quite like it before and was quite unnerved, but overall much calmer.
Two days after this, it was the Alpha away-day, where you all go off to another church and do some work on the Holy Spirit. Nicky Gumbel, the speaker on the DVD, described what happens when the Holy Spirit enters your body. He said, "some of you may feel a tingling or a burning sensation, and this is absolutely normal." Damn right it was! I'd experienced it two days before! And I genuinely had no idea that the Holy Spirit could work in that way prior to hearing Nicky G. speak. Incredible.
Even more incredible, after the DVD had finished, my Alpha friend Mike, who had been sitting next to me, turned and said, "all the way through that DVD, I felt this warmth running all the way down the right side of my body." The right side - the side that had been pointing towards me!
How I found my faith - Part 1
People who don't know me personally might think that I became a Christian because I was brought up to be one, or 'indoctrinated' by a church, or perhaps because I was mentally crushed and had nowhere else to turn.
It was actually quite a lengthy journey of personal discovery. At the age of 12 I was a committed atheist. I looked around at the teachers in my Christian school and felt sorry for them for their blindness; they *actually* believed that when they died they would find God and an afterlife! Poor people!
But I was aware of the occult. This same school was very haunted. My dad taught there and I stayed with him some evenings while he did his work, and we witnessed all kinds of phenomena. Sometimes we would hear people walking up and down the corridor in our classroom when we were the only ones in the building, or doors would bang randomly, or the taps would turn themselves on. My dad even met the resident ghost on one occasion when he challenged it to reveal itself. It was the ghost of an old woman, (I mean why wouldn't it be!)
So my imagination was being constantly fed by all these strange goings-on. I started to investigate more. By the age of 18 I ended up on the top of a hill, in the middle of nowhere, in the ruin of an old church, linking hands with three other college friends trying to summon up paranormal activity. Even my friend Paul - the biggest sceptic among us - was spooked by the sounds of clogged footsteps coming up the church path towards us. There was no one there, of course. We were very alone.
A good Christian friend of mine, Susan, was aware of what I was up to and was quite concerned. I, quite arrogantly, told her that I thought I knew better and that she was blind to this 'truth' I was uncovering.
That's when the ouija boards started. Blimey, we got pages and pages and pages of notes from our communications with 'spirits.' I was given information about my family history that even I didn't know until I went away and researched it. And they hook you do ouija boards. They become more and more addictive. And actually, we found, they get better and better at responding to you the more you use them.
And the more we used them, the more out of control they became. Finally - the very last time I ever touched one - the death threats came. Two demons calling themselves Baal and Belial came through saying they would kill us, and I was terrified.
Then I seemed to remember a book that Susan had given me, a sort of handbook to the truth about Spiritism that I had read about two chapters of and cast aside as Christian drivel. 'Spirits are really demons disguising themselves as dead friends and relatives,' was the general gist. And of course the Bible warns against all this stuff as well, and that Baal figure crops up quite a bit throughout the Old Testament. I didn't know any of that at this time. Anyone who had tried to tell me had been pushed away.
In my terror, I prayed for help. I felt that my life had been infiltrated and I needed protection, because I no longer felt safe, not even within the walls of my flat.
In trying to tempt me from God, the devil overreached himself and actually showed himself for what he was. My own personal experiences with the paranormal had brought me to the truth and the realisation that I had been seeking to contradict all along.
It was actually quite a lengthy journey of personal discovery. At the age of 12 I was a committed atheist. I looked around at the teachers in my Christian school and felt sorry for them for their blindness; they *actually* believed that when they died they would find God and an afterlife! Poor people!
But I was aware of the occult. This same school was very haunted. My dad taught there and I stayed with him some evenings while he did his work, and we witnessed all kinds of phenomena. Sometimes we would hear people walking up and down the corridor in our classroom when we were the only ones in the building, or doors would bang randomly, or the taps would turn themselves on. My dad even met the resident ghost on one occasion when he challenged it to reveal itself. It was the ghost of an old woman, (I mean why wouldn't it be!)
So my imagination was being constantly fed by all these strange goings-on. I started to investigate more. By the age of 18 I ended up on the top of a hill, in the middle of nowhere, in the ruin of an old church, linking hands with three other college friends trying to summon up paranormal activity. Even my friend Paul - the biggest sceptic among us - was spooked by the sounds of clogged footsteps coming up the church path towards us. There was no one there, of course. We were very alone.
A good Christian friend of mine, Susan, was aware of what I was up to and was quite concerned. I, quite arrogantly, told her that I thought I knew better and that she was blind to this 'truth' I was uncovering.
That's when the ouija boards started. Blimey, we got pages and pages and pages of notes from our communications with 'spirits.' I was given information about my family history that even I didn't know until I went away and researched it. And they hook you do ouija boards. They become more and more addictive. And actually, we found, they get better and better at responding to you the more you use them.
And the more we used them, the more out of control they became. Finally - the very last time I ever touched one - the death threats came. Two demons calling themselves Baal and Belial came through saying they would kill us, and I was terrified.
Then I seemed to remember a book that Susan had given me, a sort of handbook to the truth about Spiritism that I had read about two chapters of and cast aside as Christian drivel. 'Spirits are really demons disguising themselves as dead friends and relatives,' was the general gist. And of course the Bible warns against all this stuff as well, and that Baal figure crops up quite a bit throughout the Old Testament. I didn't know any of that at this time. Anyone who had tried to tell me had been pushed away.
In my terror, I prayed for help. I felt that my life had been infiltrated and I needed protection, because I no longer felt safe, not even within the walls of my flat.
In trying to tempt me from God, the devil overreached himself and actually showed himself for what he was. My own personal experiences with the paranormal had brought me to the truth and the realisation that I had been seeking to contradict all along.
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