How I found my faith - Part 2

After the revelation of the ouija, it would be very easy for me to say 'and then I found God.' But that would be a lie. Building any relationship is hard and takes a lot of work, (rightly), and it took me two years to establish my relationship with the Lord.

It sounds vague, I know. I will try to avoid vagueness. "Relationship with the Lord" can mean anything, but stick with me, I will try to make sense of it!

Susan remained a good friend of mine and only ever gave me Christian guidance when I asked for it. She suggested that I try out an Alpha course in Lincoln, (as Lincoln was where I was attending university at the time), and I really wasn't sold by the idea. I quite boldly thought that I knew everything I needed to know about God and Jesus anyway, but, well, no harm in going, etc. So I did. Off I went!

Hated it the first time. All on my own, didn't know anybody. The church and the people were so welcoming, but I wasn't feeling it. Power on, I thought, power on.

The more I continued attending and the more I countinued to pray, I could see God working in my life. Another vagueness, I know - I'll give you an example. It was a Monday night, right before Alpha, and I was going through a bad patch, just general depression and anxiety about life and my degree. I asked God if he could please help me. Moments later, my phone rang. My sis! "Hey bro! I was just wondering if I could bob down and see you tomorrow, have a natter and a catch up!" Oh yes, yes, yes! Please! I needed someone so badly. That perked me. Left the flat, walked to Alpha. The minute I walked in, Allan, the Alpha leader, walked up to me: "I was thinking you might want to meet up for a chat some time." Again, exactly what I needed. Then I sat down for the meal and chatted to the guy opposite me, Adam, who I'd never really spoken to before. He turned out to be a huge Doctor Who fan! Not just new Doctor Who. Old Doctor Who! These people are such a rare and specific breed! We hit it off instantly! I had a friend!

Some might say God helped to make these things happen, in order to help me. Others could say they were a series of happy coincidences. The factor that makes me think the former interpretation more likely is that I started the evening contemplating suicide, and I ended the evening feeling completely at peace. Some people spend years in therapy to achieve that. I said one prayer.

The bad times did continue - of course they did. I've become increasinly prone to anxiety attacks and dark periods of depression in my young adult life. One particularly bad night, my head was swimming with black thoughts, so I prayed. I addressed the devil, and said, "in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, leave me alone." A burning sensation powered through my whole body, lasted for a few seconds, then faded, and a peace descended. I had never felt anything quite like it before and was quite unnerved, but overall much calmer.

Two days after this, it was the Alpha away-day, where you all go off to another church and do some work on the Holy Spirit. Nicky Gumbel, the speaker on the DVD, described what happens when the Holy Spirit enters your body. He said, "some of you may feel a tingling or a burning sensation, and this is absolutely normal." Damn right it was! I'd experienced it two days before! And I genuinely had no idea that the Holy Spirit could work in that way prior to hearing Nicky G. speak. Incredible.

Even more incredible, after the DVD had finished, my Alpha friend Mike, who had been sitting next to me, turned and said, "all the way through that DVD, I felt this warmth running all the way down the right side of my body." The right side - the side that had been pointing towards me!